SIGH

It’s currently 5:55 WAT as I’m writing this. The weather is cold. I thought it was going to rain today, but it’s just been strong winds since morning.

Two more weeks till exams start, and I can confidently say I am not prepared one bit. I read a little today, but I think reading for the first time in four months is not the best way to tackle my academic leakage. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m even understanding what I’m reading… sigh. I think I’m gonna fail again, and this time it’ll really be my fault.

I could just drink the 20 tablets of paracetamol hidden in the spine of my chair and call it a life, but I don’t think that’s gonna do the trick. I’ve been shot up with an outrageous amount of morphine since three, and I think I have a high resistance to paracetamol. I’d need at least 35 tablets to get the job done.

I scrolled the internet for six hours today, most of my time on TikTok obviously, followed by an hour on IG, X, and Chrome. I mean, it’s not that bad compared to other days. I’ve had eighteen hours of screen time before. But then again, the day’s not over anyway.

Of all the social media platforms, my love for Instagram is something I can’t even explain. Scrolling on Instagram feels like being a white woman in her twenties with a trust fund and a dream to become an artist. Don’t get me wrong, I do get the occasional Goon media and weird violent propaganda stuff on my explore page, but once you get past that, it’s really just beautiful inspo and art from different people. In my opinion, I think it’s better than Pinterest, that is, if you know where to look.

Then we have TikTok, the dopamine generator for the brain, where thirty minutes turns into a long four-hour makeup sesh with my For You page. Sigh.

Back on topic, I was just thinking about how fucked I am for these coming exams. And I’ve been wondering, what if… hear me out now… I just DROP OUT 🥳? I just drop out and never have to worry about school again. That would be something, right? But I can’t do that. Instead, I’m here writing about how I feel so I don’t **** myself out of boredom.

I gotta stop writing about depressing shit all the time. Maybe in my next one, I’ll talk about my “interests” or kinks. Let’s see.